One Moment: Getting Over Myself

This is my last post before I fly off to Cleveland to film 2 segments of Quilting Arts TV early next week. To say I’m nervous would be understating it. Now, I do something similar to this in my day job – I get up in front of a group of people and explain how to do something. Granted, it’s usually explaining DNA sequencing or Polymerase Chain Reactions, rather than how to make a messenger bag, but I do this all the time. Without a script (or a written lecture), but with lots of visual cues (powerpoint slides = step outs). I really should not worry, I do this all the time.

So, why am I nervous? The camera.

I do not like cameras. They show someone I’m not familiar with – me…only bigger.

I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life, and I’ve never gotten my act together. I’ve often been too busy making, laughing, reading, teaching, doing, to take the time to eat healthily and exercise.

I do not like to see pictures of myself. Not that many exist. But in order to be on TV, this must happen. I must be thankful for the attention to my work this opportunity brings. I am trusting that the camera will not be focussing on my thighs, or my behind. I’m trusting that the people behind the camera know better angles than my husband does when he takes pictures of me opening birthday presents each year – some of them are truly God awful!

I don’t mind this picture:

Of course I’ve got something to hide behind!

This picture I took myself for the Studios magazine feature (it was a requirement).(You can see the remote in my right hand…I took about 50 pictures and felt like an idiot the whole time).

Angie took this picture at Sand Harbor this summer…

I try to look at the whole picture, I really do…but all I see is the fat neck.

Dear Lord, please let there be something more interesting to see on the TV screen than my fat neck!

I will breath, and concentrate on being clear and not babbling while I show people how I make this bag, and these houses, these things I make from white fabric and dye, these bits of color in invest so much energy into, that bring me such joy when they are done, please see that and not that fat loud redhead.

om [one moment] meet up

alamodestuff Linda has started a weekly meetup based on taking a moment each week to really notice something as you go about your daily grind life. I need to do this. You may want to too – read more about it here:

17 Responses

  1. We all scrutinize ourselves and see what we perceive as unflattering or unattractive. Just try to remember that YOU are your own worst critic when it comes to what you think we see. Do you know what I see? A beautiful, successful, funny woman who I would love to learn from, because she has so much to share.

  2. You know, we all hate something about ourselves. Look back over episodes of The Quilt Show and Quilting Arts that you have watched. Did you really pay attention to a persons face or body (much less their neck!)? Nope, you cared about the information they were sharing! You are going to do great because you have a lot of information to share that people want to hear.

    My brother’s girlfriend had throat cancer and has a permanent trach – she can’t talk at all. She’s the one who taught me to stop whining about my allergy limitations. I did a lot of whining before I met Wanda. I’m much happier with myself because of her…..and tomorrow she’s getting a big box of new tie dye shirts!

    Dye yourself a new shirt and go and be happy – you are on a fabulous creative journey and you should enjoy every simgle minute of it!

  3. Candy – I see a beautiful woman who is creative beyond belief, engaging and talented and looks like a lot of fun to spend time with. Take pictures – be in them – I hate it too, I look like an old hag in most of them but you know what? I don’t want my kids wondering where mom was after I’m gone. I want them to have proof I was there, lol. Usually I’m behind the camera, but sometimes I put it on timer and get in it with them. The pics never please me, but the kids are happy.

    Honestly girl, I think people are going to be so enthralled with what you’re making and saying, they’re barely going to notice you. You’re going to do fine, and you’re going to look beautiful. Happy people who are passionate about what they do are ALWAYS beautiful!!!!!!! So just let your own sweet self shine.

    BTW – I’m SO jealous of your dimple – I always wanted a dimple in my cheek!!!!!!!

  4. No matter how you blog it, YOU LOOK MARVELOUS! I agree with Vicki that we all have things we hate about ourselves. There isn’t enough space for me to list my flaws (shhhhh! Don’t tell my family). And as for the show, people will be too busy taking notes, and ooooing and ahhhhing that they won’t even know the color of your hair.

    What an amazing opportunity. Oh, and BTW, I have anxiety attacks speaking in front of people. I do it, but it makes me ill. You can do this in your sleep! Picture the camera person naked!

  5. You are not just beautiful, you are stunning. From your fab dimples to your infectious laugh to your creative spirit. Every bit of your true, glowing self will come to life through that camera lens. You look amazing, you will be amazing because you are!

  6. Wow – these ladies left me with nothing to add!! You are a beautiful woman, Candy! The pic that Angie took captures such a carefree gorgeousness about you – classic. And holy moly, the dimple and your coloring….3 snaps up in a circle. All of these things will come through on camera b/c they are the essence of you! Add a good dose of your personality and know-how, and you’ll golden!! Good luck, good luck, good luck!!!

  7. I’d have to echo all of these. I’m trying to be better about getting in pictures – i don’t like what I see either. A more tired, older version of what I think i look like. But it really is the light we share that is most important. I truly believe that.

  8. People will have a hard time looking away from your colorful work, but when they do, I am sure the passion in your eyes and your gorgeous smile will totally captivate them. Have fun!

  9. Take it easy on yourself! You are beautiful, talented and clearly a sensitive person – these are wonderful things! Being thin isn’t everything and it’s not meant for every body – embrace who you are – clearly so many people love you and think you are beautiful!

  10. Hey Candy,

    You’ll do great. I think people are looking for a sense of confidence when they look at teachers. They are also looking for good energy, skills and a sense of humor. You have all of these things…and a twinkly smile, I see no problem. You’ll do great.
    It amazes me how hard we are on ourselves…what the hell?

  11. You are one gorgeous woman girlfriend! And I’m not talking about anything cliche. Beautiful people radiate joy, warmth, and a genuine passion for their gifts. It makes our skin glow and our eyes sparkle. It creates a smile that draws people to us. It makes us happy inside and those around us happy. Your beauty shines in all the pictures above and will do so on video as well. Celebrate this opportunity and knock em dead.

    And enough about that, you must focus on important things: don’t forget to have another artist in the green room take pictures of you while you’re on set with Pokey doing the walk through just before the taping! Then have them take your camera back to the green room and take pictures of the screen while the taping is going on ! 🙂

    I’m so fortunate to have crossed paths with you Candy and am very thankful for your friendship. Goodness, I’m so darned proud and excited for you I can hardly stand it!

    Enjoy every last second of the experience, you earned it and it’s yours to savor!!!

  12. Candy,

    You’re beautiful. I’ve been drawn to you on the internet because of WHO you are. You, what you make, how you write –it’s all beautiful. You’re going to do great!!!

  13. Hello Luv, you Shine!! No two ways about it! Focus! Everyone sees something they would like to change in the mirror, thanks to multi billion dollar industries pointing every advertising dollar at all of us with the message that we are not beautiful but could be if we just… ($$$) Beauty can not be applied to the surface if it is not already within. All of those messages are a lie. You ARE beautiful, focus on the task at hand and you’ll shine. No worries, FOCUS! K? <3

  14. You’re a great friend with a big heart and a driving force of energy who has done much to enrich my life and that of other’s. You look fantastic in the beach photo – relaxed and happy. Have a good day at the beach tomorrow and if I tease well what the heck, that wouldn’t be me! You looked great in the outfits you tried on yesterday and you’ll wow everyone with the bags and houses. I know I love mine. Its just show and tell. As for the weight, who cares says one who could also do with shedding a few of those cuddly pounds! All the best for next week, its a new door to open and explore… go forth and conqueror!